The Green Room

2823

Libby — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 00:27:36 +0000

Either my breasts have gotten smaller (unlikely, given the way my bras are fitting) or my belly has moved farther away from them. If it’s option number two, that means baby is getting ready to be born, to which I say, hallelujah!

2822

Libby — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 17:28:07 +0000

I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed by today already, because I have a bridal shower to attend this afternoon, and I need to prune the roses before tonight so that the yard debris bin can go out to the curb before tomorrow morning. When you’re supposed to be on bedrest, that’s already a pretty full day, but today is Sunday, which means it is the one day a week when neither my mother nor I are working, so I wanted to call her up and see if she wanted to go have brunch or something, and then I had a glorious realization. I’m on leave! And mom’s last day of work was yesterday because she’s taking vacation time so she can help out with the birth and stuff! So we could have brunch any day of the week we want! This not working thing is pretty amazing.

2821

Libby — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 00:12:01 +0000

So, my doctor called me this afternoon to see how I was doing, and to tell me that they want to rerun one of my blood tests when I go up to the hospital this evening to drop off my other lab stuff. She was very happy to hear that I’d stayed home from work these past two days, and while she didn’t come right out and tell me I should go on leave already, she very strongly hinted that it would be a good idea. So, I think I’m going to give in. Ryan and I talked about it, and he thinks I should just go in tomorrow morning, tidy up anything that still needs to be dealt with and make sure that my emails are getting forwarded correctly, then go down and talk to HR, pick up my lunchbox, and get the hell out of there. This feels like the right thing to do, and everyone else keeps telling me that I’m an idiot for still trying to work, but I’m just so scared to let go. Once I stop working, all I have to think about is me, and the baby. As much as I want the baby to be born already, I’m not sure I’m ready to be a mother. And I know, no one ever is ready to be a parent, so it’s normal to feel panicked, and Ryan and I will probably figure things out just fine once we get going. But still, I’m terrified. Not of giving birth, because at this point I’m so miserable being pregnant that I’d do anything to get this baby out of me, but of being responsible for a tiny person. All of my mistakes and screw-ups will be the formative background of their childhood. I hope they’ll be forgiving.

2820

Libby — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 02:26:06 +0000

So, I’m not having the baby tonight, but they told me at the hospital that they don’t think I’ll last longer than a week. Baby is still doing fine, but my body has apparently reached a point (or very nearly) where it just can’t handle being pregnant anymore. I could’ve told them that without the blood tests, but whatever. I’m just glad that baby is still doing ok.

2819

Libby — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 18:30:47 +0000

Ryan has rigged up his playstation 3 so that we can watch netflix instant watch movies on our television. Even though it does kill me a little bit to have a video game system in my living room, any technology that lets me watch Futurama I guess I can’t hate anymore.

2818

Libby — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 16:37:13 +0000

My doctor has scheduled me for a fetal stress test this evening up at the hospital, which means I still have plenty of time to go to work today, but my coworkers talked me out of it. They’re probably right. I won’t be at work tomorrow either, because one of the other things they’ll be doing at the hospital is giving me instructions on conducting a 24 survey of my urine (to check the fluctuations in protein levels), and I really don’t feel like carrying multiple jars of urine around with me at work all day. As much as I’ve fought against it, and wanted to keep working until the baby arrives, part of me is starting to think that just going on maternity leave early wouldn’t be such a bad idea. It would certainly make my doctor happy if I stopped trying to do everything and spent more time in bed. It would probably make me happier too, even if I have a hard time admitting it. Curse my New England Protestant work ethic!

2817

Libby — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 02:09:22 +0000

If my doctor were really worried, she would tell me to go to the hospital. Instead, she’s telling me to call her first thing in the morning about scheduling some more tests. Therefore, it’s not an emergency, and I don’t have to worry. I will keep repeating this until I believe it.

2816

Libby — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 17:05:12 +0000

I was going to go to yoga this morning, but I woke up just late enough that I could only make it if I rushed, and I didn’t feel like rushing. So instead I am having a leisurely breakfast and figuring out how to use skype, since my fancy new laptop has a microphone and a webcam, and I have friends in far-flung countries that I would really like to be able to talk to. And yes, the East Coast counts as a separate country, as far as I’m concerned. Anything that’s that far away and that difficult for me to get to has got to be in a different country, even if we do speak the same language and use the same money.

I think my plan for the rest of the day will involve investigating the possibilities of hennaing my belly, and then maybe finding out if Ikea still has those moon and star lights that I want to put up in the baby’s room. I promise I will get pictures up of the nursery soon, as soon as I get all the bags and wrapping paper cleared out of there. It’s starting to look like a real baby’s room!

2815

Libby — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 01:12:05 +0000

My doctor is “90% sure” that the baby is head-down, but she wants me to go in for an ultrasound next week to check, just in case. What the hell, at least we’ll get some more baby pictures out of it.

2814

Libby — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 01:10:02 +0000

Today I got a compliment from a random stranger, addressed to me, not to my belly, and I nearly started crying because I was so happy. And it was a stupid little thing too, I was on my way back from getting coffee, which I always get in my own mug, which is purple. I happened to be wearing a purple dress today, of a very similar shade, and a gentleman passing the other direction said he thought it was cool the way my mug and my dress matched. Normally I would have just said thank you and not given it a passing thought other than, “Huh, that was weird,” but it’s been so long since anybody said anything that was just about me, and not my pregnancy, that I nearly started crying right there on the street corner. It’s so hard to see anything past my belly, I mean, I have a hard time remembering that I’m still a person in here, and it feels like no one else who sees me even makes the effort. It felt so good to be reminded that this is not all that there is.